I know I love you
because when I think
of you my heart feels full,
a pond choking with water hyacinth,
their hungry roots reaching deep
into the beds of yearning,
overflowing walls of longing
where I am so afraid to fall .
Because I love you I forfeit
my privilege, allow my heart
to drown in you as though you
Vincent Van Gogh
From my window a sliver of moon casts a haze over the water and I listen to the rush of soft waves. Those creatures beneath the depths, do they sleep, dream? If parted do they grieve? Down the street I can see lights from an all night store, a man stands behind the counter. Cautiously he slips his hand under his jacket and takes a long swig from a bottle. A group of young thugs gather outside the storefront. I imagine them harming the storekeeper. Distracted by the young whore taking shelter in a doorway, they laugh at her and whisper. Oblivious to her vulnerability she sleeps as though she has never heard of birds of prey that swoop down with unblinking eyes, hungry beaks, and talons poised for butchery. I watch closely in case I need to call out a warning but losing interest they disappear into the dark.
Maybe nothing is real, maybe everything I think, everything I see or hear is all in my head. I lose focus and the burn of you stings just below my surface. I want to sleep, forget the sound of your voice, your unforgiving eyes, not give a damn about you.
Unwillingly I travel,
in order to survive,
through memories that summon
There lies your winter coat
where we once lay our backs,
half buried in the falling snow,
rotting now among cones and needles.
The forest floor smells of burning pine
and silence is the sound of pounding
hooves or soft as the moon rising
In your kingdom of stars.
Excerpt from Gurkski’s ” Il me faut t’abandonne”
“Come dusk is when my mind walks out
from where I fence myself in,
my dark room of nightly delights where
I encounter her, my queen of all things blue
and we fight right from the start
To make me love her even more.
I place the hands of my heart to gather*
my hunting spirit, follow her footprints
into our forests of love and war.”